Lost and Found

Back in the middle of June, I was "in exile" in Canada. Save for one call to my Dad on Father's Day, I had no contact with anyone other than the family with whom I shared a cabin and the neighborhood merchants and residents.

For 5 days.

I was alone in a boat on a lake in a desolate part of rural Canada. Alone with my fishing gear and a book. And I was in love.

I had everything I needed: air, food, water, clothing, and shelter. I was me. I was human.

And when I came back to shore, the only concerns were cooking dinner and keeping the place neat and tidy while we relaxed. Life was stripped down and so simple, and it was beautiful:

After returning to the US, I found myself instantly pulled in about 10 directions. Suddenly I was checking e-mail. Returning text messages. Returning missed phone calls. I somehow successfully stayed off Facebook for a whole week and a day, but less than 24 hours after returning home, I was right back into the thick of this so-called "reality." I've been here ever since, and I hate it.

Maybe that's not the right word. It's a strong word. The point is that it took less than that amount of time for me to realize what I've known for quite a while: that I belong in a simpler time and place, far from all of the duties and responsibilities imposed upon us by modern society.

I'm not saying it's Canada, or anywhere in particular. But this whole idea that we "need" all of these things (insurance for every possible thing imaginable, a good credit score, etc.) is just so...strange. Think about all of the personal fulfillment and happiness that people sacrifice EVERY DAY in the name of artificial, material things. Do any other beings on this planet require any of the creature comforts/discomforts we as humans have grown to accept as facts of life? No. I'm also not the first person to come to these realizations, and this is also not the first time I've thought about this. But at any rate...

If you ever want to get someone to look at you like you have three heads (or fire you, depending on who you're talking to), suggest these ideas. Ask that obnoxious customer if they really "need" that Starbucks double crappuccino for $8.95 or whatever it costs. Suggest to authorities that the world won't end if X doesn't happen (you call in late for a conference call, you don't get your boss's coffee just right, you don't pay your parking tickets, you drink a beer on a "dry" beach...). Some things that are perceived as "wrong" were not really violations until humans became too stupid to act reasonably and rationally and had to enact artificial laws. And of course, those laws, like most things that humans do in modern life, are in place to support the most artificial of things that we "need" to survive: money.

A brief aside: I'm finally as close as I think I've ever been to living the lifestyle I want to live: wake up naturally around 6:30-7, relax with a cup of coffee, cook my meal(s) for the day and then head to work by 9. Work hard until 3, then spend the afternoon/evening doing whatever it is that makes me happy (music, walking, playing guitar, whatever). I actually need very little to enjoy myself, and be it here in the city or away in the woods, I'm always reminded of that. Simple is best.

Now back to the original rant: The only problem is that I'm still bound by money, whether I realize it or not. I really do like my job, but working part-time and attempting to spend more time enjoying my life outside of work earns just barely enough to continue to sustain a livelihood here in the city of Philadelphia, even though as I said, I don't need much. The few things I do need here (food and shelter) are expensive, and bartering is just something that doesn't fly all that much these days, even though I obviously have plenty of skills to offer. So I stress about finding more part-time work and being able to afford my artificial bills (a human declaring a monetary value on natural gas is akin to playing God, in my opinion. Just me?), still hopeful that I can find some sort of work-life balance instead of having to wait for a retirement that may never come.

And everyone says "Well, that's just the way things work and you have to deal with it." I call bullshit. I don't believe in handouts, but I also don't believe in working yourself to death and sacrificing your own personal well-being over something that can very easily be destroyed or that may not actually exist (most money never actually sees the light of day, if you think about it). I don't believe that "the way things are" is the way they have to remain. The only thing constant is change, right?

It's depressing. I know that more money won't ultimately make me happy. So what do I do? I choose not to think about it if I can. It's really, really tough. I choose to get lost as often as possible, because I've found what I need to be happy isn't money. I need simplicity. Unfortunately, today's society will try to tell me otherwise. Today's society will continue to push the idea that money is the most important thing in existence. I think all it's done for us, or at least for me, is make life far too complicated.

One random thought before I end: if I have equal sized piles of grain and money sitting next to each other, which pile will burn faster if I put a lit match to it? Just a thought...