Try Me

A festive scene on Addison Street from my bike route the other nite.

"Don't go out without a coat. You'll catch a cold!"
-Every Mother Ever

In not so many words, that's basically what a sweet, caring woman said to me last nite as I was about to bike home wearing nothing on my upper torso but a long-sleeved thermal shirt, a t-shirt and a bicycle helmet. I said "Aww thanks, but I think I'll be alright. If you don't see me again this week, you'll know why."

An aside: In addition to various freelance video work, other random per diem gigs and working for Strengthening Health Institute, I now also work part-time for a sustainable laundry company, Wash Cycle Laundry (shameless plugs - deal with it). The basic gist is I ride around the city on a bike with a trailer attached to it, and I pick up and deliver laundry. It's actually way more fun than I thought it would be, even on a cold, rainy nite. Anyway...

When she said I should be wearing a coat, I thought very little of it. This is the same woman who, not 10 minutes earlier, asked me to bring the trash up from the basement, and as I carried a 40-pound bag in each hand she exclaimed "You got some muscles, little man." Hey, any chance I get to pat myself on the back, I will. I still had the adrenaline rush from making all my deliveries and that overall good feeling I seem to get from helping someone, so I biked off and said "See ya Wednesday."

One thing I really like about riding is that I get to think - sometimes it's about wonderful things, other times not so much, and most often, I just think about things that make me think. Wrap your head around that one...

So last nite, as I rode my bike home in a steady drizzle complemented by a stiff breeze, I did notice that I began to feel cold. It reminded me of a story I heard recently, about a Belgian man who had recently passed named Adelbert Nellisen.

Adelbert was a health advocate and adherent to the macrobiotic lifestyle. Apparently, he took a long bike ride in a cold rain, fell ill soon afterward and simply couldn't regain his strength. Some I've talked to recently who were close to him said (paraphrased) "A normally healthy person doesn't die from that. The last time I saw him, he seemed old and tired, which was not like him." Other stories I've heard about him were that he was very aggressive, sometimes too much so, and always pushed himself to the absolute limit. I guess it eventually caught up with him. Not the most pleasant thoughts to be thinking while biking home in the rain I suppose. I see parallels in his story and my own situation...because that's kind of who I am.

Working for 7 different employers (I think?) in the last year, it's no secret that I have been pushing myself pretty hard - I always have. Even in the face of doubt, depression and uncertainty, I tend to be aggressive. I can't try not to try, if that makes sense. All Yoda-isms aside, trying is why I am where I am. It's true for all of us in varying degrees.

This year, I finally found myself in position to be able to move to the city I've loved for so long, but knowing that I still had a lot of work ahead of me. I've been here for 9 months, doing everything and anything in my power to make it work. I've taken just about every opportunity I've been given, greeting it with open arms and accepting every challenge along the way, with mixed results.

If you'd have asked me 5 years ago if I imagined myself doing all of the things I do now, I'd have laughed at you. I don't think I've ever worked so hard in my entire life. It shows. Most of the time, if I get enough sleep, I feel fantastic. I look better than I ever have and I'm in the best shape of my life. I still can't figure out the opposite sex (and neither can you - don't lie), but I rarely question my own resolve to do whatever it takes to keep myself going. But for some reason last nite, I started to think: will I ever get to that point where I go too far?

Adelbert was a health advocate for a very long time, and even he fell victim to his own self. I've been trying to improve my health since about 2009, trying to do everything "right" to get better at, well, everything. I'm not saying we're anywhere close to being in the same ballpark, but as I said before, I can see parallels.

And so, as the rain drops pelted me in the face last nite, I was thinking, "Has pushing myself to the extents that I have really made me better overall - physically, mentally, emotionally, etc?" I can honestly say that it has. My only remaining hope is that I'll know when I reach the point that it's making me worse, and that I'll listen when it's time to put on a coat.