Your Fear is a Gift

Once again, I'm on the cusp of another move. You’d think after 7 (yes, 7) moves in less than 5 years and a cross-country road trip and back, I’d be used to this sort of thing. I’ll only be moving a couple miles down the road this time, but there’s always a degree of uncertainty…

Until this evening, I was excited about it. Actually, I’m still very much excited.

For what? I don’t know. I think that’s what keeps me excited: the unknown.

It’s tough to recall a feeling, yet tonight, I remembered what it felt like to be here in this neighborhood for the first time. I left a bar having just watched my favorite hockey squadron get demolished by some guys wearing red claiming to be BLACK hawks, but whatever…and on the walk home, I noticed a street that I’d walked past literally every day since I’ve lived here, yet never bothered to venture onto.

So I veered right. It wasn’t a dark, dank alley, but it was…strange to say the least. I paused several times because I knew I had seen all of these places before, from the front. They had that same pre-packaged look that most hipster trust-fund baby paradises do, but yet they looked so different. They looked so…new to me.

And that’s when it hit me that I’m moving, and though I’ve only been here for 8 months, I’m really going to miss this neighborhood. I’m very hesitant to leave. I have my coffee shop. My grocery store. My bar(s). Restaurants. Open mic nights. Friends. Memories. And, as I found out tonight, many places I still haven't seen.

I’ve almost grown so secure here that I don’t want to leave the safety of my “comfort zone” once again. Should I? I’ve also picked up some new work, nothing that’s guaranteed, of course. Is that going to work out? If it doesn’t what do I do then?

I don’t know what’s going to happen. No one knows. Some might think that because of some of the things I’ve done, I’d be fearless. That’s just not the case. I’ll admit that though this isn't the same kind of unknown feeling of a cross-country road trip or even an out-of-state move, I’m still very much afraid.

But one of my friends once quipped that we should do things that scare us often, and he was right…